What is Life With Chronic Pain

What is it like to have chronic pain? Some days it takes every ounce of your being to pick to get up rather than lay in bed where you know you would actually feel good. It’s having to choose to hurt so you can try to function as a human being, a parent, a spouse, an employee, a friend, etc. It’s trying to not absolutely freak out on people when they try to make your life even harder than it already is. It’s trying to not scream at people who have it so easy yet try to make it seem like their life is so difficult. It’s getting treated like a second class citizen because you take pain medication so you actually can function more than what your body wants you to do. It’s having people judge you based on what they see on the outside even though you are screaming in pain on the inside. It’s staying patient with everyone when you just want to scream or cry or both. It’s trying to be empathetic with people that are going through something and complaining more than you are even though you would be so grateful to have their problem instead of yours. It’s not crying because you feel so awful yet you continue on because you don’t want to let anyone down. It’s not yelling at people that screw your order up, overcharge you, make you have to do extra work to get treated how all customers should be treated, or other small things that cause extra work in a day. It’s not feeling appreciated for the things that seem so big to you yet go unnoticed, unacknowledged and unappreciated by others because they expect so much more. It’s not crying when you’re trying as hard as you can yet nothing seems to be good enough. It’s not getting offended when people stare and assume without ever asking what happened or what’s wrong or any question at all. It’s trying to act happy when you are feeling defeated on the inside. It’s trying to hide your tears in the bathroom, when everyone is sleeping and in the car because you can’t explain the sadness. It’s praying every day to God for peace, patience and less pain. It’s accepting that there is a reason why God has chosen you to live this life for a reason. It’s hoping every month that you won’t need a refill on your medication because this just might be the month where everything changes. It’s answering people and telling them things are good because you don’t want to see the disappointment or the awkwardness of what to say on their face if you tell them that things still aren’t good. It’s choosing pain so you can drive and work rather than take the medication that would make you feel better. It’s keeping your goals without getting your hopes up too much in case they continue to be shattered. It’s being thankful that it’s you going through it and not your kids or family members. It’s being anxious to the point of panicking when it hurts so much and you can’t do anything about it in some situations. It’s being jealous of others that have life easier without ever admitting it out loud. It’s trying to comfort others when they ask stupid questions so they don’t feel bad. It’s walking a fine line of saying how bad things are and being a complainer vs not saying things are too good so people think everything is great and wonder why you aren’t doing more. It’s sitting on the sidelines when you want to be in the game. It’s feeling like a failure even though others tell you that you are an inspiration. It’s having a fear of the future and trying to fathom how hard things are now vs how bad they will be in the future but trusting that God will get you through it. It’s feeling guilty for missing out on things that you would’ve given anything to be a part of. It’s showing others that you can overcome things that seem unfathomable. It’s remembering every day that someone has it worse than you do and that at least you are alive and not fighting a battle for your life. It’s trying to feel comfortable enough to share your feelings and worries. It’s finally sharing your feelings only to have someone tell you that you are lucky to have what you have because someone else has it worse. It’s trying to get those people to understand that you tell yourself how lucky you are every day and that only on the really bad days that you actually share your feelings and fears and don’t need to be reminded how lucky you are. It’s never knowing what the hour, day or night is going to bring you. It’s feeling loved when someone makes life easier for you, gives you a break, helps you, gives you a hug and understands how hard life really is. Its finding peace knowing that this is all happening for a reason and that someday in heaven you will fully understand why. It’s knowing that as long as you are feeling pain it means that you are alive. It’s choosing to continue to live and be grateful for every day that you have with your loved ones. It’s having an understanding of what chronic pain is so you can identify with others that have it too so you can give them encouragement. It’s trying to do the best you can and be the best you can be. It’s being thankful for those who still choose to love you and be friends with you. It’s living…

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